I don't even know what to say.

I don't get it!

I am so crazy emotional right now, for apparently no reason at all....
I think I need to play my guitar.

maybe if I just close my eyes and type, something amazing will come out.

I feel like I am on the edge of some great precipice..
and either way I fall, I am doomed to fail.






why am I feeling so depressed???



I suppose its just the way I deal with things...
I have seen so much here.
it's not like I haven't done this before,
so I didn't expect to feel this way.


it's normal, I guess, to have these feelings...
the people here are so precious,
and I feel so selfish.

how dare I long for home, when all these people have as a home is a shack!?!
how could I yearn for my daily "necessities", while these people rejoice in nothing?!

my heart is heavy.


it has been a long while since I have been here...
a whole year...
everything looks different,
but the people haven't changed.

I don't think they ever will.

perhaps that is a reason for hope;
someone,
somewhere in Uganda,
can rejoice in their small home with not even a piece of furniture...

we were all talking in the bus on the ride home last night about what we wanted to bring back to the States.
I piped up in about the middle of the conversation;
my main point was that I wanted to bring back faith, hope, and love.

Faith: the people here are so in love with God, and they have nearly nothing.
NOTHING.
how did they get that?
where can I find something similar??

Hope: as I said before, perhaps one can find hope in the fact that there are people to look up to.
people who love unconditionally, people who work until their bones ache, people who get up in the morning and continue to live for the sake of their children, and people who can teach others without saying one single word.

Love: need I say anything on this topic?? if you have read other blogs, you have heard of the beautiful, nearly perfect, Christ-like love these people give.





so I suppose I am concluding this blog in a much better state of mind than that which I started with.

there is always faith.
there is always hope.
and most importantly,
there is always love.

"epic"?

have you ever wanted to write something truly moving?

something that would change someone's life forever?

I want to do that,

and I am going to try right now.

thoughts collide in my mind,

rolling, tumbling, crashing, harming...

words try to thunder out,

ripping, tearing, screaming, naming...

deaf ears cannot begin to comprehend,

sorrow beyond which any one can mend;

once living lips, dead,

no tongue can speak,

no throat will voice this story.

images fly past my eyes,

silencing, taking, attacking, remembering...

tips of fingers telling what lips cannot,

running, hating, living, dying...

ever blided eyes will never see,

though true enough the sadness be;

once seeing eyes, closed,

no moment to blink,

few have seen such animocity. 

alas, now...

emotions race in my heart,

hoping, praying, giving, waiting...

finally finding what was once lost,

adoring, loving, needing, wanting...

ever sinking heart can now breathe,

I am astonished; love has found me!

once a lonely girl, happy,

finally rescued thanks to my prince charming.

that last part is a little cheesy,

but completely true!

thanks to all who support me and read this, 

it means a lot.

if this meant something to you, let me know!

I would like to hear any feedback you can come up with.

most sincerely,

amberlynn.

Think Like Solomon.

I want to be wise.
just like Solomon;
but he followed the Laws of the Lord...
and he was the son of DAVID.
& David is kinda a big deal. :]
and the Lord did ask him what he wanted most...
I ask God every day to gift me with His wisdom.
one day after my "Jesus Time"
God spoke to me...
He said, "I'm doing all these things so you can be wise, like Me!"
I thought holy crap. God is making me wise!!
that's exciting.
really exciting!
Proverbs is full of wisdom...
but sometimes I get confused!!
hmmm...
I suppose I should ask for understanding too!!
:D
pray for me please!
&Amber Lynn;

Dear God, WHY??

Dear God,
this is Amber Lynn.
it's nice to be talking with you again.
I love you so much.
but I can't help but asking WHY??
why this friend?
why his life??
I know you don't give us anything we can't handle, but God, I don't know if I could handle the
C R A P
he goes through every day of his life!!
I love this guy!!
he is my brother!!
will you lessen the pain?
will you stay with him?
I pray you, God, don't leave him.
give him the strength to not leave you...
he is so much like Job, God.
grant him your blessings.
help him be pure of heart and mind so he might pass through these trials unscathed.
raise him up afterwards, Lord.
show him the good and right path.
show him love, Lord.
hear my prayers!
let them be like incense to you;
like honey from the comb.
answer me Lord.
answer my friend.

be with him in his times of dire need; be with him at all times!!

let me be your hands and feet for him.
let your comforting touch come through me to him, God.
I love you;
talk to you soon!
&Amber Lynn;

horemones.

I hate hormones.
they suck. big time.
I just had a long talk with Hope...
she is just getting to the stage where she wants to become a young lady;
but also wants to stay a little girl.
her body is a whirlwind of different chemicals and feelings!!
how else do you deal with that other than T E A R S .
so many things are exaggerated in her mind!!
and the worst part is; she believes them.
but who of us doesn't??
when I went through that I said the same exact things!!
even today I still find myself crying with my mum over not feeling beautiful or wanted...
I am so sad for Hope... I wish I could smack her, speak the truth, and have her believe it!
but things don't work that way...
she feels so helpless!!

"I want to feel beautiful;
I want to feel loved;
I want to feel cared for;
I want to sing beautifully!!"

all of these things and more she cries about...
and I know I have said the exact same things.
I want her to know that it gets better, that things don't stay so hard for long...
she IS beautiful
she IS loved
she IS cared for
and she DOES sing beautifully.
when she gets older and matures I will need a really big stick;
boys are going to be all over her and her gorgeousness!
but that doesn't matter, because right now she feels ugly and unwanted.

as she left our room I told her,
"Hope, this is normal. Every young woman goes through this; I did, mum did, Miranda will, Jayla will, so will Tarah! It will get better even though it sucks right now. And though I know it won't help;
I think you're beautiful, and I love you very much."
I don't even know if that helped.
but I did my part;
as I will do again tomorrow and the next day I am sure!

I LOVE MY LITTLE SISTER.
&Amber Lynn;

P E R S P E C T I V E --> change.

wow.

today was gooooood.

had some relaxation time with mum...

that's always fun!

but the mosquitos are eating me alive!!

so this post will be short and sweet (hopefully)!

life here is giving me such a different perspective on my life at home;

my relationship with God;

and my relationships with people.

my walk with God has so improved.

I am so much closer to God than when I left;

and am growing more so everyday.

God has revived my relationship with my dad;

and has changed his heart and mine.

I have so much to thank Him for.

if only I had enough pages to write His praise on!!

or enough breath in my lungs to proclaim His goodness to all!!

I suppose I'll just have to make do with the pages I have;

and the breath I breathe.

I am convinced on living my life to the full.

the life He promises to give us.

I don't want to waste one day of my life.

earthly lives are so short;

we have so little time to be God's hands and feet;

why would we waste any time??

hear this;

God wants us to have life to the full. and if we are true followers; we will want his will above our own. and by His will alone will we have the life he wants for us.

so stop living life to the half.

think not of what is right or wrong.

for a wrong choice may turn out well.

and a right choice may turn out badly.

think only of God's will. He is the wisest of discerners. He knows.

"Yesterday is history; tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present."

--Eleanor Roosevelt

&Amber Lynn;

missing her already...

so it's happened.
my beloved older sister Jaimie is gone.
what to say??
our family is suffering without her...
she was our "lost member"!!
she has to go home to emptiness;
lonesomeness awaits her without our family...
I have prayed again and again for her safety& for journey mercies...
but how much can prayer do?
I can only pray that God comforts her while I am not there to dry her tears.

my dearest Jaimie,
I miss you terribly already!
I know you shall read this....
and I hope it is uplifting.
we aren't a complete family without you;
we'll be looking forward to you when we come home.
wait for us;


on a different note...
I have had the most interesting dreams lately...
all of them about guys!!
I feel the need to be pursued...
and I am dreaming of the right guy.
"when will he come??" my heart cries; "where is he?"
perhaps God is teaching me patience...
or he could be trying to tell me something through my dreams...
I read Genesis 41 today (about Joseph; Interpreter of Dreams)
I thought it would be fitting to my situation...
and I came upon an interesting verse;

"The reason the dream was given to Pharaoh in two forms is that the matter has been firmly decided by God, and God will do it soon." --Genesis 41:32

I will do some praying and asking God what he might be trying to tell me.
what do you guys think??
I am totally open to your thoughts;
so speak your heart & mind.

&Amber Lynn;