Panic Attack!

Oh my goodness!! Well, I am here in Rwanda feeling quite out of sorts! I have also got a rather nasty cold with coughing and gross stuff like that... by the way, thank you all for leaving such wonderful comments! My heart is truly warmed and encouraged by the lovely verses and words of wisdom! I suppose I should talk about what I mean by "Panick Attack!" It all started while we were descending into Rwanda, I was feeling a little sick, but nothing major... I looked out of my window, and saw all of the Rwandan houses with tin roofs and red bricks... it was then that I started to churn inside, I kept seeing flashes of my house in my mind and pictures of flying above the Chicago houses as well, I thought, "Where is my house?? I want my house!!!!!!" A wave of massive insecurity swept over me, "What am I doing here, I want my home, I want to be home!!!!!" my insides screamed. I tried to ignore the way I was feeling by telling myself that I could take it, I could take this huge unsafe feeling and smush it down and not let it bother me. Then my stomach got very upset, and got gradually worse as we left the plane and got into the Rwandan airport. I started to shake uncontrollably and started crying. The Rwandan's at the airport saw that I was sick and got me some water and let my family stay in a room with couches, all I was thinking of was my house and all of my friends and everything I knew and held close to my heart. My mom took me to the bathroom and sat me down and told me to breath in through my nose for 5 seconds, hold it for 5 seconds, then breathe out through my mouth for 6 seconds. That helped me A LOT! I also was holding a Squish pillow that reminded me of mine back home, I held it so tight and did not want to let it go... all through this I was praying, asking Jesus to help my because I felt so afraid and vulnerable... I had to go into the bathroom twice and the second time when I came out I was feeling quite a bit better, but still very afraid and I felt like a little girl clinging to my mother. My mom stayed by my side the whole time and prayed for me and held me and comforted me. Without my mom, I don't think I could've made it... it was not just my feeling insecure that spurred my panic attack, I was suffering from over-exhaustion. I had only slept 7 hours in 2 days. ( I am not a good plane-sleeper) After I left the bathroom, I met the Rwandan staff! Travis and Astird and Odette and Claudette and Cyprien and Vienne, I was feeling very timid and weak, so my dad helped me to get to our house quickly. My mom led me into the house and I only remember walking up stairs, watching my mom get my bed ready, and then me crashing onto the bed, with sleep hitting me like a train! I was very reminded of how I cannot lean on my own strenghth, not in the least!! But if I trust in Him and believe that He will give me strenghth, I know I can pull through. To everyone who is coming with a team-- this is not meant to scare you, but to encourage you and strengthen you, and to let you know that God is not going to give you anything that you cannot handle! Now it is Friday and I am sick, with a cold and a cough, but I am better from my panick, the Lord guided me through. Once agian, thank you for your comments, and please leave more!

Only with His strength,

~*YAmber LynnY*~