I don't even know what to say.

I don't get it!

I am so crazy emotional right now, for apparently no reason at all....
I think I need to play my guitar.

maybe if I just close my eyes and type, something amazing will come out.

I feel like I am on the edge of some great precipice..
and either way I fall, I am doomed to fail.






why am I feeling so depressed???



I suppose its just the way I deal with things...
I have seen so much here.
it's not like I haven't done this before,
so I didn't expect to feel this way.


it's normal, I guess, to have these feelings...
the people here are so precious,
and I feel so selfish.

how dare I long for home, when all these people have as a home is a shack!?!
how could I yearn for my daily "necessities", while these people rejoice in nothing?!

my heart is heavy.


it has been a long while since I have been here...
a whole year...
everything looks different,
but the people haven't changed.

I don't think they ever will.

perhaps that is a reason for hope;
someone,
somewhere in Uganda,
can rejoice in their small home with not even a piece of furniture...

we were all talking in the bus on the ride home last night about what we wanted to bring back to the States.
I piped up in about the middle of the conversation;
my main point was that I wanted to bring back faith, hope, and love.

Faith: the people here are so in love with God, and they have nearly nothing.
NOTHING.
how did they get that?
where can I find something similar??

Hope: as I said before, perhaps one can find hope in the fact that there are people to look up to.
people who love unconditionally, people who work until their bones ache, people who get up in the morning and continue to live for the sake of their children, and people who can teach others without saying one single word.

Love: need I say anything on this topic?? if you have read other blogs, you have heard of the beautiful, nearly perfect, Christ-like love these people give.





so I suppose I am concluding this blog in a much better state of mind than that which I started with.

there is always faith.
there is always hope.
and most importantly,
there is always love.

"epic"?

have you ever wanted to write something truly moving?

something that would change someone's life forever?

I want to do that,

and I am going to try right now.

thoughts collide in my mind,

rolling, tumbling, crashing, harming...

words try to thunder out,

ripping, tearing, screaming, naming...

deaf ears cannot begin to comprehend,

sorrow beyond which any one can mend;

once living lips, dead,

no tongue can speak,

no throat will voice this story.

images fly past my eyes,

silencing, taking, attacking, remembering...

tips of fingers telling what lips cannot,

running, hating, living, dying...

ever blided eyes will never see,

though true enough the sadness be;

once seeing eyes, closed,

no moment to blink,

few have seen such animocity. 

alas, now...

emotions race in my heart,

hoping, praying, giving, waiting...

finally finding what was once lost,

adoring, loving, needing, wanting...

ever sinking heart can now breathe,

I am astonished; love has found me!

once a lonely girl, happy,

finally rescued thanks to my prince charming.

that last part is a little cheesy,

but completely true!

thanks to all who support me and read this, 

it means a lot.

if this meant something to you, let me know!

I would like to hear any feedback you can come up with.

most sincerely,

amberlynn.